Addiction
by mistress muse
Summary: Regina suffers when true love does not manifest itself as she expects. Deep angst and loneliness, short and not so sweet.
1. Chapter 1

How is it you can be with someone and still feel totally and utterly alone?

I am not even sure how I got here, I certainly never planned it. But, I guess you never plan on love manifesting as an addiction, a curse and a blessing all rolled into one hot mess.

It is the waking hours that are worst, if you can believe it. When you are asleep next to me, you are a source of comfort, a gentle reminder that i am not alone in this world. So why are you so angry at the world, at me, when those beautiful eyes open to greet the day?  
I have taken to watching you sleep, and slipping out of our warm bed to start my day before you wake up so I do not see this terrible transformation. I tried to be gentle and loving. A simple "Hey, you." uttered in a soft voice and accompanied by a lazy smile was meant to entice you to return to our warm bed so we could cuddle before starting the day. My good intentions end in a hard stare and an accusation. Why am I asking so many questions? What do I want from you? You ask me these things as you throw your clothes on awkwardly, as if i have no right to see you naked, to express my admiration of your body.

These are good questions, though. I want you to wake up with a smile on your face, a smile that happens because when you open those eyes and see me, it makes you smile like you make me smile. I would rather go with the memory of you sleeping peacefully, your blonde hair tussled and hiding your face against the pillow, then with the last words you said to me this morning. "Don't call me." These are the words I hear before I leave to face the day and it makes my chest contract painfully around my heart as I realize I am not the most important thing in your life at this moment in time. I wait until I get into my car and drive away before I let my tears fall. I have only a short time to let my grief run through me freely before i have to get myself together. There is only so many times i can blame a reddened face and bloodshot eyes on a cold, on allergies, or just not getting enough sleep.

Yesterday, you made it downstairs before me and I found you sitting on the far side of the couch as I searched for my keys and put on my coat to go out into the cold. Your body was turned away from me, facing the wall at an angle so that I was met with your shoulders and the back of your head. Your body language and position said it all, you had no need or desire to speak to me. When I left, you got up and hugged me, but your face remained turned away, instead of tucking your face into my neck like you used to. You move away from me but I grasp for your hands in desperation and try for another embrace, with the same result. I try to look at you and your eyes slide away from me like a skittish colt, shying away from me. I beg you to look at me, and you do finally, but with irritation and anger flashing beneath drawn eyebrows. You ask me what I want from you and accuse me yet again of something, I am not even sure what, like I am subjecting you to some kind of inquisition in asking for your affection.

Again, I leave for my office, taking my time to get there so i can recover from the agony of your rejection. The pressure there brings tears to my eyes despite my best intentions to hold them inside. They fall anyway, hidden behind my windshield wipers as the sky cries with me, even the rain seems to know my mood. This stabbing pain, so deep it leaves scars that bleed inside me, makes me wish I could take my heart out and put it in a box to protect myself. Even that solution offers no release from the heaviness in my soul.

My nerves feel raw, scraped and bruised and over sensitive to the least invasion into my emotional state. I find myself shutting down, it would be so easy to become who I had been in the past, to play on power and not care who I hurt or even why, only that I could.  
I wait for my daily email from you. It used to be a joke, that you would send me an email before i was even on the road, telling me how much you missed me and loved me. Now, the email comes after I get to work and only after I text you to tell you I am here safe. Then, i get the "I love you's" I am desperate to hear, the "I miss you's" that I almost don't believe. After all, why would you ignore me when I was home to miss me when I am not? I find my texts becoming shorter and more terse. This morning, I simply typed "here"...you responded with the same words you use everyday...  
"I Love you, I hope you have a good day, I miss you." Why can you send this to me and not say it to my face. I want you to miss me before I leave, I want to feel that caring in person, not on an impersonal screen that offers me no human companionship.

Do you even notice my texts becoming shorter and shorter? Do you even wonder why they have become so? Or, worse yet, are you aware and don't care to ask me why? I find myself asking these questions at odd times during the day, and I feel my eyes burn and sting as salt gathers there. I find myself stoking the anger deep inside me, so that I can keep the fear and agony out of my face. I would rather be angry and have others fear my wrath, then have them look at me with empathy and compassion in their eyes for my suffering. I couldn't bear someone asking me if anything was wrong, it would be my undoing and I cannot allow myself the liberty of falling apart at work. It wouldn't do for others to see my weakness, to know I have the same fears as they do, or even that they might enjoy knowing the wreck my life has become.

But still, I know there is love there, it is intense and overpowering, and it holds me in its thrall. But, something has gone seriously wrong and I wonder who has twisted this thing that is at once beautiful and terrible and horribly scarred all at once. I know that something is wrong because I find myself avoiding writing that I love you, not because I don't, but because each time i do it I feel the tight pain of rejection rise up in my throat again. I can't swallow. My mouth goes dry in fear that I will one day simply say these words in some rote manner, an automatic response that has no meaning. I cannot do this to you or to me, so I shy away from simply saying something because it is expected of me. It hurts me too much to say it sometimes when i feel each word slice into me like a hot knife as I realize how much power those words and you hold over me. I find myself becoming jealous of all those hearts I stole over the years. Did I keep them from feeling this intense pain by locking away their ability to feel this way? Worse yet, is this payback for all the pain and suffering I have wrought over the years? Perhaps it is simply that you feel I have too much power and you have none, and this is how you keep some semblance of balance in our relationship? Don't you realize that you already hold so much power over me in ways I could never imagine?

What do you do when true loves kiss has become a curse? Has anyone considered how twisted love can be when they speak of this concept in awe, like it is always something pure and wonderful and unfailing? How can two twisted and broken souls express true love in its purest form? I don't think they can, because I sure haven't figured it out, and I am quiet talented at figuring out riddles such as this.

When we make love, I find my need to feel something so intensely, I beg you for more of everything. I find the sharp pain of your teeth against my breast exhilarating, the pressure of your fingers inside filling me until I can imagine what it would be like to have your fist inside me, both moving me with an exquisite pain mixed with guilty pleasure. But this is an honest pain, this controlled violence we engage in. It is something I understand from the depths of my being, and it has the power sends me over the edge quickly, my orgasm breaking over me like a thousand tiny shards of glass exploding in my mind. You bring me, and i hear the obscenities that are torn from me as if from a strangers throat as I scratch and claw at the sheets. Again, this is the power you hold over me, and it scares me because you do not seem to understand your ability to keep me chained to you.

When I come back to myself, I revel in the affect that making love to me does to you. You are hot and wet and ready for me, and I try to make it last. I love your smell, and find myself burying my face in your neck, sucking on tender flesh as I find the rhythm I know will give you the most pleasure. When it is over, I lose you again as you cover up and turn your back to me, quickly falling asleep. I turn into my pillow and hug it quietly, finding sleep the most effective way to not think about my life. In sleep, I do not feel the pain in my heart. Sleep is oblivion, a break from the loneliness I feel when we are together but not with each other. We sleep back to back, not touching, and I realize that although we are sharing the warmth of one bed, we are not sharing each others warmth. I consider turning over and attempting to curl myself around you, but find that I could not bear the rebuff. Sleep is lost to me in that moment of revelation, and I slide out of the blankets and out of the bedroom. There is always work to do, bills to pay, windows to look out of and wishes to make that someone would notice my absence and ask me to return upstairs. I find myself saddened at how sad my life has become and return to my original question...

How can you be with someone and still feel totally and utterly alone?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: don't own, love it but don't own it. This is going to be dark stuff. I hope you like the twist in the tale, I found it a novel idea. Please let me know what you think, i eat, drink and breath for your input...does that make me a sad, sad person...who knows...oh, and I am really new at first person. this is a first try for me...

How do you know if magic is good or bad? What is a blessing or a curse? I thought I had a pretty good understanding, you know, since I was sooooo very good at doing bad things to people. Now I am wondering if the lines might not be a little more blurred then I thought.

This thing that was done to me, this blessing of true loves kiss, it feels more like a curse then a blessing.

I found myself wondering about the power of this magic, what drives it, how does it work, why does it happen to some and not others. Everyone, and I mean everyone believes in the goodness and rightness of this magic, It is practically a religion back home in the enchanted forest. To find your one true love is all anyone wants, and those who have it happen to them are treated special. Marriages are quickly planned, and it is expected that you will now be blessed with the perfect fairy tale ending of living happily ever after together in some oddly magical marital bliss.

So, why isn't this true for us? Why are we not happy?

This morning was better, for 5 happy minutes I forgot about the curse, who we are and what we are, and how we came together. For 5 perfect minutes we simply held each other, with no demands or expectations and listened to each others heart beats during that time when you are no longer asleep but not quite awake. For those few minutes I could forget that we are practically strangers to each other, at least in this way. You have been my enemy and my friend, and of course, the mother of my child...but this, this intense need to be together has nothing to do with who we are or if we want this, but more because we cannot escape the overwhelming need to be with each other. For a moment, I wonder what would have happened if we had kissed and there was no magic here. I wonder what would have happened if we had been allowed to explore the sweetness of discovery, of progression in its own timeline. If we had been given time to learn more about each other and developed this deep seated love over time and with experiences and memories to guide us and let us love each other honestly. There is nothing honest about this love we feel, it was done to us not for us, and I wonder at the power this thing has over us.

I find myself searching deep inside me to find the answers. These are matters of magic...I, more then anyone else I know, understand magic. So, why can I not understand this?

It is in my nature to question everything, to not take anything at face value, and maybe that is the key to this. I cannot simply "be happy" because something is telling me to.

Wait a minute! What is this odd thought...?

Moved to action, I lock the door of my office and gather up a few items, a clean glass, a bottle of spring water and a moment of quiet solitude is all i need. Pulling off my lapel pin I test the edge for sharpness, it will be enough. I prick my finger and watch the blood pool, dark red and thick. It fascinates me like always, the color of blood, like liquid rubies raining down into the clear water. One, two, three drops fall slowly to spread across the surface of the still water. I watch as the dark drops spread out, sending tendrils throughout the glass like wet smoke, seeking the edges of the heavy crystal glass. I hesitate, and I cannot understand why. I am trying to tell myself I should not do this, this is not who I am anymore...this is something the Evil Queen would do, not the woman in love with Emma Swan.

Great, now I am hearing voices, and they are trying to convince me to go against my nature. My hand shakes as I force it to do my bidding, even as I fight myself I don't want to. What in insidious thing this is inside me, it fights to control me and make me behave, like some kind of moral police in my head.  
Regardless, I am victorious enough to send my power into the glass and I sit forward to watch carefully what it will reveal. The glass is still, but the water isn't. It starts to move and spin, until a small water spout spins wildly within the confines of the glass. The blood is no longer diluted, but spins inside the small tornado like a dark red spout, witch light glowing softly against the crystal and sending light out into the room like a beacon around me. This is why I closed and locked my door, so no one would see me do what they think is beyond me. The curse didn't leave me powerless, the power of that one kiss, however, has held my hand many times since.

As the magic faded, the glow fades with it and the spinning whirlwind dies down and fades to nothing, there is no blood left, the magic took it and I am left with nothing but clear water again. I am again glad for the privacy I have ensure, as I am sure that my face would be a dead give away for my thoughts. The tornado had spun counterclockwise, not clockwise. It was a curse. All curses spun widdershins. Just like all protective magic spun deosil. It was the balance of magic, that one could cancel out the other, unless one was stronger then the other, then it would destroy it and replace it. This changes everything and explains so much more. This raw openness that I have been feeling, the overwhelming emotional baggage had nothing to do with us, and everything to do with this magic. A curse can cancel out protective spells, this one poured into me and through me and ripped away every spell I had ever wrought to protect myself. I had been left wide open to my enemies. Imagine a glass much like this one before me, the water every spell I could muster to protect myself, then add the power of that one kiss like thick honey wine and pour it into the glass until every drop of water spills over the edge. This is what this curse did...to me and to Emma.

We are both victims here, it is not me against her, and that somehow makes me happier. Even if the odds are so not in our favor.

I have found one answer to my questions and now have many more.

Draining the glass, I unlock my door to the world, even as my mind is whirling. There is so much to think about, so much to plan and do. All curses have a weakness, I just have to find it.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: same thing again...you know the drill. I apologize in advance for the short chapters, the muse rules me, not me, her...As always...reviews are helpful and may shape this budding story...it is still drizzling from my brain...

Now that my mind is set on finding out the truth behind this whole notion of true love and the power behind true loves kiss, I find myself analyzing the best example I have, Charming and Snow. They are the best and most shining example of how this curse seems to work. They believe, utterly and completely and down to their very core in the beauty and truth of true love. After all, it brought them together did it not? But, if we were to truly think about it, were they brought together because it was best for them, best for the realm, or best for some unknown and invisible force? What was the ultimate outcome of their first kiss? It was Emma, the savior...what if the purpose of this curse, and I am adamant in believing it to be so, was not their happiness but merely to ensure that they created Emma? It is confounding and frightening to consider that there is something out there doing this to people for their own hidden motives. Look at the outcome of our kiss. I am no longer the "Evil Queen", everyone is safe and the curse is broken. This makes Storybrook happy and the people happy, but not the two who are supposed to be enjoying their fairy tale ending. Me and Emma.

This outcome suits many, but it certainly does not suit me. I don't like being at the mercy of anyone, and it grieves me to think that we were manipulated somehow.

There is something not quite right about Charming and Snow's story either. When under my curse, he had no problem believing himself married to another woman, if this curse was so strong how could that be? But, the real kicker isn't him, its her. Or, rather its Snow and Ruby...  
When Snow was running from me as she often was, hiding in the darkest parts of the forest, I had almost caught her. I almost caught her not because she risked exposure trying to get to Charming, oh no, but because she had to find Ruby...

I missed their escape but had a good bit of fun with one of the captives, a young Wolf who was there that night and had much to say about what happened. He was quite resistant to me, and it took a while to make him heel, but in the end he told me a great deal about those two ladies. I had thought to keep him as a pet, afterwards, but I fear my fun was too much for him, he was too unstable to be considered safe. It was too bad, that...but I was the Evil Queen after all.

Ruby had left Snow to learn about her family, to be with other wolves like herself. But, it hadn't taken long for Snow to find her and that is what led my soldiers to both of them. In her haste to find her Ruby, she had exposed herself to me. According to my captive Wolf, she had begged Ruby to leave with her, and it seemed in no uncertain terms that she considered herself closer family then Ruby's wolf kin. This plea was not lost on Ruby, she chose Snow over her mother, her brothers and sisters...and although I do not understand why anyone is attracted to such a milk sap of a woman, I do recognize the plea of a lover to not leave them. How, if Snow was snared in this curse, that she believed with all of her heart that Charming was her one true love could she run with Ruby all that time when she and Charming were separated?

I am a good judge of people, it has always served me well to watch silently and discover what other peoples secret desires are. Secrets mean weaknesses and everyone has a soft underbelly somewhere that is prey to the sharp talons of knowledge. I have watched Ruby when Snow is around, I can see her eyes follow her, and I know that she remembers that time in the forest oh so clear. It was a hard lesson for her, to love someone that much and be spurned for another. Especially when she turned away her own flesh and blood to be with her. I wish I had been there to see it, what happened when Snow found her Charming again. Did she toss her aside without regard for her feelings? Deep emotions run there still, and I have keep a note of it all this time. It is no wonder that Ruby flaunts herself so, she has learned that love is painful and can rip out someones heart faster then those teeth of hers on a full moon. So, I do not blame her for her love em and leave em attitude, I was there myself once.

I find this situation fascinating, because I truly wonder that if there was no curse, or if Charming had not bestowed that fateful kiss on Snow, who would she have chosen to be with of her own accord?Lets be honest. She was never a traditionalist by any means, running about in mens trouser's, always eager to fight and hunt with the boys. She was also one hell of a tracker, which made her a slippery enemy to catch. I liked her better as Snow, if truth be told, then as Mary Margaret. Snow had an element of toughness and risk taking that seemed to magically go away when she was around Charming. Perhaps she worried about bruising his fragile ego?

So, the question begs, if I were to break that spell, and Snow (or Mary Margaret if you please) was free to chose her own path, who would she turn to?

I intend to find out.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I own nothing...smut alert...and I know this is a warped twist on this tale...but please bear with me. I hope you enjoy!

I woke up on the floor to pain and blinding light followed by a sharp knife stabbing me repeatedly behind my eyes until my brain felt like it was on fire inside my skull. All I could do was lie there and groan, my teeth clenched against an uncontrollable chattering that threatened to shatter bone until Emma found me, curled into the fetal position as I shook and shivered for no reason she could find. I was barely aware of her as she gathered me up and placed me in our bed. Her reassuring touch grounded me and eventually I quieted, falling into a fitful sleep as she held me in her arms tightly, her eyes tight in fear as she  
I learned a great deal about the curse today, the hard way. It didn't like me playing with it, and trying to snatch it out of me with magic basically amounted to me suffering from a psychic bitch slap that left me gasping and flopping on the floor like a fish tossed out of a stream. It was highly unpleasant and not something I was going to try again, ever.

As much as the curse was ready to strike out to protect itself, it seemed to feed on our closeness. Each minute that Emma held me, was a minute where the agony of my earlier experimentation lessened, each stroke of her hand on my face, my arm was a relief from the pain. I swear if the damn thing could purr it would have. This makes total sense to me. IT reinforces itself through pleasure and nearness, and only causes suffering if you deny or defy it. Classic. Classic and utterly terrifying in its subtlety. I would have never thought of it, and I thought myself rather clever.

Through the pain and chills and suffering, I came to another conclusion. There is a big difference between deciding something needed to be done and being able to do it.

This curse, or spell as you would have it, was no easy thing to break. If it could be done by brute force I would, snapping it like a dry twig for the fire. Instead, it almost broke me.

No, I decided, it will not be done through power or magic, but through the power of what the outside world has to offer. The world outside Storybrook is cold and hard, its reality all sharp edges and broken glass. If I am to break the spell between Snow and Charming, I will have to employ a great deal more finesse. In fact, I won't be breaking this spell at all, I am hoping that Snow will with maybe a little help from Ruby. I have had enough pain for the day, let me experiment with someone else this time.

Which comes down to the real problem at hand. What I have to do is not going to be easy, or nice or even something I want to do. I just hope I make it through this with something left to work with. Sanity is a rare and wonderful thing, it is also so much hard to hold onto when you add power to the mix.

I finally fall asleep surrounded by the warm comfort of Emma's strong arms, her presence remains a part of me, a small flicker of light in the corner of my unconscious mind. It is a beacon that calls to me even in slumber, offering safety and solace from a cruel world until even that light dims against the darkness behind my eyes.

I awaken to an odd sensation, aware that I am painfully and overtly aroused. I can feel moisture gathering at the apex of my thighs, the slick sensation enhanced by being captured in tight pants, pressing my lips together tightly around my swollen clit. I love down, somehow we had switched positions and Emma now is draped across me, her fingers etched across my stomach as her head rests on my chest. I find the source of my arousal as Emma's regular breathing sends moist, hot air across my breast. The subtle pleasure has brought my nipples to attention as they rise in a silent supplication for more direct stimulation. I bite my lip, working my teeth into my own flesh in an attempt to not moan as I try to slip out of Emma's grasp. I fail at both as my movement attracts Emma's attention, her hand spasming across my rib and raking unexpected nails against my already overstimulated nervous system. I do more then moan, I arch into the sensation as I moan loudly, bringing my breasts even closer to her hot mouth. My mind screaming for her to understand my need without speaking.

"Are you ok?" She asks, her eyes gentle and concerned that I am in pain. How can I fix this erroneous queiry?  
"No, I am not ok, I need...Oh, God...Emma, I need..." My begging is so unbecoming a queen, but Emma is no slouch, taking in my heated face, my taut nipples straining against the fabric of my blouse.  
Her eyes dilate in instant arousal as I firmly grasp her hand in mine, bringing it down to my center, pressing her palm into the heat and damp ruining my slacks.  
"Are you sure, I thought you were sick?" Her concern warms me, but not in the way I need right now.  
"I am so sure, Emma, please don't make me ask again." I let just a little bit of the Bitch out in my voice, commanding, demanding and very much wanting her to stop talking and start undressing me, which she is quite adept at as I found myself naked against the sheets in almost as quick of a time as magicking them off could have accomplished. Emma wastes not time, capturing my breast in her hot mouth to satisfy my nipple with her rough tongue play. Her hand snaking down along my stomach until it meets wet curls. I am wet, so wet, and her hand feels like fire against me and I find my hips moving of their own accord against her teasing touch. I want more then this tentative finger play and a quick, painful nip on her forearm reminds her that I am in charge, not her.

Drawing my knees up, Emma finds her way inside me unencumbered, I am open and ready for her as she plunges hard fingers into the slick muscles of my center, starting a rhythm she knows will send me over with quickly. Lacing my fingers in her blonde hair, I push her mouth against me, encouraging her to suck harder. Her teeth find the hard nub she had been so talently lashing with her tongue, biting the firm flesh gently before pulling the nipple within the firm grasp of white teeth. The pain shoots pleasure down my spine and I arch deeper into her delving fingers.  
"More, God, Emma...More..." Again, I beg as I feel a flood of hot slickness run down her arm in response to what she is doing to my body.

I feel fingers pull out, making me groan at the loss of contact for a second as she lazily circles my opening, coating her fingers with my arousal. She pressing into my again and I feel the fullness of er fingers in my as she pumps against me, pushing against me as she try's to make more room.  
"Bring your legs higher." She whispers through clenched teeth, unwilling to give up her prize.  
My legs are now almost to my chest, and the extreme angle leaves me open and vulnerable to her. I feel tightness and pressure as she stops her rhythm, but instead starts to relentlessly push against me, it is almost too much and then the pressure at my opening gives way to an amazing sensation of fullness deep inside me. I run my hand along Emma's forearm, following the firm muscles until i find her wrist at my opening. She is inside of my, all of her, and it sends a shudder through my body as I consider the implication of such an intimate embrace. My thoughts, however, are lost in the sudden wave of pleasure that slams against me when Emma curls her fingers inside me, and I feel the hard ball of her fist pressing against my abdomen.  
"Ah, fuck...Emma..." I am impaled, forced to stillness as I give her the power to send me over the edge. She has to control this and I let her. Squeezing her wrist with my fingers to let her know she can begin...She begins to move inside me, carefully, and the sensation is almost too much. I close my eyes and imagine what it must look like, her wrist ending at my beginning, her forearm flexing like iron as she tests the fit of my cunt around her like a hot silk glove. It is too much, I feel the familiar tingling starting low in my spine, my breath coming in quick short gasps in time to her movement. A sudden sharp pain at my breast fuels the fire and sends it racing it up my spine as she grinds her teeth into my sensitive nipple, erupting into sparks behind my eyelids as blindness takes me in past white hot pleasure. I come screaming and clawing my rage and passion without regards for the amount of noise I am making, it is a testimony to her talents and I don't hold back my accolades.  
I find my senses returning only to find those intense pale eyes watching me closely. I look at her quizzically, and she smiles before twitching her forearm, once. I gasp at the aftershock as I realize she is still inside me. Her gaze needs no words of explanation as she waits for me to concentrate, I have to relax before she can remove her hand from the iron grip that I have around her. As she withdraws, I cannot hold back a second long shudder as her knuckles graze across the sensitive walls, shooting waves of pleasure through me until you are gone from me except for the sweet ache that tells the tale of our adventure together.  
I am not done, not yet. There must be balance in this, and I surprise Emma with my strength as I move suddenly, flipping her onto her back and pulling off those tight jeans from her lithe body. I am so thirsty, and I need to drink from her. I can smell her arousal, and it sends me into a frenzy as I slide down her body to find the source of that sweet smell. Dipping my head down, I find I am not disappointed, she is ready for me, and I am desperate to taste her. My tongue and mouth find her as she arches her hips into me, grinding against my face as I dip my tongue into her to lap up her sweet juices before attacking her swollen clit with my lips, my tongue, my teeth. She doesn't need much to take her over the edge but I am deaf against her screams as her thigh muscles press against me. I can feel her muscles twitch rhythmically in time with the waves of her orgasm. Her pulse lies beneath my firm tongue as I let her piston her hips against me, until the swollen flesh presses hard and slick against me until she is spent.

We are both spent. Unable to speak, she pulls me up to hold me in her arms until I can hear her heartbeat fluttering wildly against her breast. For now, I am content to listen to it wind down as we lay there until our breathing returns to normal.  
"I love you, Regina." She kisses me softly, my hair damp against her lips.  
A sudden chill reaches deep inside me, a cold echo of the heat we just shared.  
I look up, searching her eyes for some answer and knowing I will not find it.  
"I love you too, Emma." The words are bittersweet. I know you mean what you say, as I do, but I cannot help but wonder if they are true emotions or the curse at play. A dark tendril of hatred seeps out of me, fueling my drive to continue my sworn quest. It is not that I do not want to love Emma Swan, I just want to make sure that it is my love and not some idealized concept born of a kiss and a curse. It doesn't even matter if this curse, this spell was born of best intentions, I don't want it, and I resent that the choice was taken from me. Most of all, I want to know that Emma loves me for who I am, and not because true loves kiss has made me who it thinks I should be.


	5. Chapter 5

Authors Note: I do not own OAaT or its characters.

Dear readers, I know this odd little adventure has been in an unusual format, I often wondered what went on in our Evil Queen's mind and this was an exercise in just that. It is a dark and strange place, her mind...and I think after this week, I will be able to transition into a more traditional format as the events that Regina has set in motion will start to play out. I think you will find it interesting, and probably nothing you expect, so please be kind. I do adore any Reviews, and will take them into account when I write the next chapter. There will be some deconstruction going on, as well as a rekindling of old relationships...including some pretty explicit scenes, so i hope I don't offend anyone...

Lastly, I will tell you that I am operating out of the concept that true loves kiss isn't necessarily a bit of magic meant to make the lucky couple happy, there is ulterior motive, and I am exploring the fine line between what we might call a blessing vs. a curse. It is all in the individual's interpretation, isn't it? Especially if what true love demands is not within the characters ability to conform too without sacrificing some intrinsic part of their individuality.

XXXXX

Regina was this close to having her well laid plans fall into place. It had been several weeks since her painful but educational experiment on herself. The curse had held and had made sure it was not happy with her attempts at tampering, which lead her to seek other avenues to pursue. She was also not going to be her own guinea pig again until she knew more about the curse and how to break it.

Snow and Charming, on the other hand, held no protection from her, and she had spent a great deal of time considering the best way to proceed.

Her first thought had been a simple one, pushing David across the barrier would effectively remove Charming from her life, but it wouldn't break true loves kiss...if anything she was sure that Mary Margaret would faun over him as much as she had done when he came out of his coma and they both had no idea who they were. So, despite the delight she would take in doing such such a thing, it wouldn't help her quest. No, it couldn't be David she messed with it would have to be Mary Margaret. She shuddered at the way Mary Margaret deferred to her Prince whenever they were together. It was appalling, really, especially when Regina knew what a cold and calculating enemy should could be when defending her own. Of the two, she would put have put Snow above Charming on any day for sheer ruthlessness, of the two she was most definitely the most deadly.

She had heard the stories from Emma about their adventures in the Enchanted Forest before returning through the well, so she knew the potential was still there for Mary Margaret to return to her former glory. She really was being wasted as a grade school teacher, but it was an "appropriate" position for the wife of the oh, so mild mannered David. This was what true loves kiss had done to them, elevated a simple commoner to the rank of a prince, and making a strong woman who would have made an impressive Queen into a milk sop, deferring her power and rank to her low born husband. How does this add up to a fairy tale romance? The only good that came out of that coupling was Emma, Storybrook's savior and now my very own true love. If you were to believe in pre-destiny, you could argue that the sole purpose of their marriage was to bring Emma into the world, and that leads me to question whether Gold has something to do with all of this. He is forever meddling in affairs of the heart, and always has a keen interest in his matchmaking's offspring.

So, two things have to happen before my little experiment can go forward, I have to rid myself of Emma for a few weeks, and I have to find a way to block the effects of true loves kiss between Mary Margaret and David.

XXXX

Getting rid of Emma was relatively easy, except that I had to fight the curse tooth and nail to not call her back, to cancel my well laid out plans. This incessant need to be close to her was aggravating, she was like a drug, an addiction even and the thought of having her gone made me crazy at times. It was easier when we were out in public and I could wrap myself up in my Mayoral reserve. It was the closest thing to my prior Queenship I had available to me, and I tried to muster up that regal reserve when dealing with the townsfolk. In the end i prevailed, sending her away with a young vagabond that had invaded our town and proceeded to engage in multiple escapades of petty theft. Since it was Emma who had caught him red handed, so to speak, she had to take him back to where he came from and wait around for the hearing to determine whether he was to be tried as an adult or end up back in juvenile hall again. I had at least a good two weeks to implement part two, which worked perfectly with my plans, if I could pull of a spell I had only done once before. That is why Emma had to go, the urge or lack thereof for me to fall into my old habits was seriously curtailed by the curse. The closer I was to Emma, the harder it was for me to contemplate performing any magic let alone actually muster up the desire to do so. I did, however, need something from Emma before she left. That something being a few drops of blood that was easily gained through a rather enthusiastic session of "I'm going to miss you" sex that ended up getting a little rough. I have to say that I am not the least bit guilty in sending my Emma off to the city marked by me, and I daresay she enjoyed it just as much as I had. Emma didn't question my decision to send her, since she was one of the few who could safely escape the confines of Storybrook with all of her memories intact. So far, my plan had been too easy, with everything falling into place quite nicely. I was very pleased.

Mary Margaret, now, she was a different matter. Despite her husbands constant wheedling to have me make him a deputy, I was loath to do so. So, it was with great glee that I called for Mary Margaret instead. School was out for summer session and she had nothing to do at all to occupy her time. It did not take much convincing to get her to fill in for Emma while she was gone. No doubt she had images of a massive cleaning spree and re-organization of the jailhouse while Emma was gone. My plans varied quite a bit from hers, if they worked out she should find them a bit more ah, stimulating then the ones she currently harbors.

By the way, having Emma out of Storybrook did the trick. Although I am still very much focused on the lovely blonde, my inhibitions about magic have lessened, allowing me to work on that lovely spell that should open the doorway to a very interesting full moon this month.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: don't own anything...lol...I have realized that my feverish 3am writings have a lot of errors, i will strive to fix and edit my chapters..I apologize for the rough read. Also, the timing is why the chapters are so short...for anyone reading and following, bless you for putting up with my ramblings, they are starting to go somewhere that i hope you will find interesting...

Come in, Mary Margaret." Regina called from behind her desk. She leaned back in her chair nonchalantly, her dark eyes silently appraising the woman standing hesitantly in her doorway, allowing the dark haired woman a chance to enter her office before she gestured for her to sit down.

"What can I do for you, Mayor Mills?" Mary Margaret was confused, the Mayor and her didn't necessarily get along the greatest, and for her to call and ask her to come see her was something she wasn't expecting. The mayor, as usual, looked impeccable, but there was something about her that seemed off. There was a faint shadowing around her eyes that her makeup couldn't hide, and Mary Margaret found herself wondering if she hadn't been sleeping well.  
"Actually Dear, It's what you can do for me, or rather, for Storybrooke." Regina leaned forward then, steepling her hands in front of her as she watched Mary Margaret's face carefully. Sighing at the mildly confused yet waiting expression on her face, Regina reached into her desk drawer and tossed a tin star onto the desk in front of her. The silver five pointed star sat there, its shiny silver surface emblazoned with the word "Deputy" on it, waiting for Mary Margaret to pick it up. Instead, she just looked at Regina, a bewildered expression on her face.

"I want you to fill in for Emma while she's gone" Regina informed the shocked woman.  
"But, I..." an empty argument failed to form in her mind, so she blurted the next thing she could think of. " I don't know, Madame Mayor, wouldn't you rather have David do this?"  
The gall of the woman to question her, really!  
"No, I do not want David doing this," she mimicked the other woman's voice but lacing the words with a sharper edge. "He is all too eager to wear this badge, and I think that is a good sign he shouldn't, besides, this town is used to a female Sheriff, so they should accept you just fine." Mary Margaret wasn't sure about all of this. It was odd that Regina wanted her to play Deputy for her, but on the other hand she would be helping out Emma. As to David, well, they had quite a bit of animosity in the past that could explain why she didn't want him in this position. Not that she didn't have a lot of history with Regina herself.  
As if on Que, the Mayor spoke up, mirroring a good part of Mary Margaret's internal dialogue.  
"I know we have had a bit of history, Dear, but it is all in the past isn't it? I mean, I am with your daughter now, and if it is my power to put you in a position more fitting to your, ah, station...then why shouldn't I take advantage of being Mayor?"  
The explanation was plausible, yet Mary Margaret still hesitated. What would David think?  
"The offer stands for this hour, Dear, and then I will chose another. It won't be David, so don't take that into consideration when making your choice." Regina's smooth as silk voice trying to coax her into making a decision.  
"I, uh..." Regina had enough of her indecision, she stood up and reached for the silver star, intending to pluck it away from the indecisive woman.  
"I am a very busy woman, Dear, I am sure you can make your decision elsewhere, while I have more work to do." Regina made as if to stand, pushing the woman to make a decision or leave.  
The dark haired woman shook her head and lunged for the badge, holding it in the palm of her hand with an odd expression on her face, as if she couldn't remember how it got there. It was surprisingly warm after lying on the cool wood tabletop.  
"Very good, dear, why don't you put it on?"  
The dark haired woman tried to lace the safety pin type clasp onto her blouse but was obviously having trouble. In a surprising move, Regina moved around the desk and took the star away from Mary Margaret.  
"Here, let me help you." She said, as she undid the pin clasp and gathered a bit of shirt under her fingertips.  
"Ok, thank you Regina." Mary Margaret stood still as Regina ran the pin through the cotton fabric. Her brown eyes focused on the job at hand, and it the painful prick of the needle against her skin was conveniently timed to Mary Margarets' over familiarity in using her first name, all the better. Regina smiled in apology as she felt her spell take effect, a single drop of blood from her affected clumsiness sealing it to the unsuspecting woman.

That was too easy, Regina thought, as she returned to her chair, carefully masking her face from showing the glee she felt at her first victory.

"So, how does it feel?"

Mary Margaret looked up at Regina, her hand rubbing the shiny metal at her chest absently.

"Pretty good, actually, I think I might get used to this." Mary Margaret stood in front of the Mayor, her mousy demeanor shedding away from her as she spoke. Regina smiled at the woman, wishing she was a fly on the wall when she finally got a good look at herself in the mirror. It had been a long time since Regina had seen Snow, it was time for Mary Margaret to get reacquainted with that part of her as well.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N:Don't own it, enjoying mangling it just a bit...oh, and it is supposed to be just a bit psychotic sounding...lol...

Have you ever watched as a relationship deconstructs itself? When it isn't your own, it is often quite fascinating to watch, if you don't care for the couple, it can also include a certain amount of glee. I had never cared much for Mary Margaret and David as a couple, for many reasons, and since my little trick, it seems that without true loves kiss, MM doesn't seem to care much about David that much, in fact, she doesn't seem to like him much as a person. I don't even have to spy on them, they are all the talk of the town. Whispers and rumors abound as the once sickeningly happy couple are no longer enjoying their vaunted fairy tale bliss. I only feel a stab of sympathy once in a while, and that is only because I know how much of an emotional roller coaster ride defying the curse can create. Even now, I feel the pain of being separated from Emma, and I am not a clingy person, so it isn't me feeling these things on my own. The only thing I am becoming convinced is truly ours is our sex life, since we are not being driven together to produce a child. MM seems content avoiding that aspect of their relationship, so perhaps Emma and I have something to work from on our own after this is all over.

I am actually convincing myself that I might be doing a good thing for MM, since she will be able to be her own person for once in her life. She will be the once making the decisions, not a spell or a curse, or even circumstances. All she needs is a little push, here and there to see that there is more out there then just a fairy tale ending to her life. It should be interesting.

XXXXXXX

One of the wonderful things about having a huge house on a huge lot with no one willing to just pop in unannounced (except Emma, she did that quite often in the past), is the absolute privacy my position offers me. With Henry spending the night at a sleepover, and Emma out of town, I had all that room to myself and a bottle of wine. About two glasses in and I was ready for dinner and conversation so I called Grannies and ordered a meal to be delivered. And, then I waited.

Thirty minutes later the door bell rang and I opened it to find Ruby standing there with a bag and a receipt. She looked ready to bolt, unsure why Madame Mayor would be ordering delivery of all things, I had to confess it was unusual for me, although Emma and Henry probably took advantage of the Old Woman's food, which even I had to admit was quite good.

I invited her in, and went to get my purse to pay her, and she stepped into the foyer like she was walking into the lions den...which I found funny, a wolf walking into a lion's den.

"Ruby, wait here and I will get you your money." I let my voice slur a little and loosened my walk. Ruby's gaze flashed down to the almost empty glass dangling half forgotten in my hand. I made a show of filling it before coming back with her money.

"Ok, Ms. Mills." Ruby's voice sounded a bit strained, and somewhat confused. It was no wonder, here she was in my home, and I was actually being nice, for me. It was also the full moon, which made Ruby a little, um, off and very intuitive which is somehow a part of her base nature. Everything I said and did tonight had to feel right, or she would know something was up.

After passing her the money, along with a generous tip, I hesitated for a moment, unsure how to proceed. I went to walk Ruby back to the door when I stumbled, hard on the marble flooring. Ruby caught me and rescued my glass of wine before I fell and hurt myself. She was quick, quicker then I thought, and with wolf night upon her, stronger then I remember. Her eyes went wide when she touched my arm, her nostrils flaring as she caught my scent. Was she smelling my confusion, my level of distress or feelings of loss? All the emotion was real, just not for the reasons she probably imagined.

"Madame Mayor, are you drunk?" She asked incredulously.

"No, I am not drunk." My voice held all the haughty conviction I could muster. "Not yet, at its my house and I will damn well do what I please in it."

I was leaning hard on the brunette woman next to me, my ankle had twisted and was starting to throb, making my attempt to hobble away a sad visage to say the least.

I could tell that Ruby was trying to digest the "not yet" part, she was having trouble reconciling who I was with how I was acting. This was no Evil Queen standing over her, but a miserable, half-drunk woman looking at her with pain in her eyes but unwilling to ask for help. Really, I couldn't go that far in my evening performance.

"Please, let me help you get off that ankle, it looks like it hurts." Ruby offered.

"Aren't you the just the Knight in Shining armor, Ruby." I quipped, trying to keep my dignity wrapped around me.

"Really Madame Mayor, what has gotten into you?" Ruby grunted under my weight. I almost smiled at the bold girl.

I let Ruby lead me over to the couch, where I flopped down ungracefully, allowing her to bring my ankle up onto the couch to raise it. I rather liked the pose, it was almost regal, this reclining position. Much better then standing in heels awkwardly.

"My wine?" I asked, earning an arched eyebrow as Ruby brought me my glass. I knew full well how this looked to her, and it was exactly what I wanted.

"Really, Madame Mayor, ah, Regina...is there something wrong?" She asked again, her need to know and the desire to help plainly etched on her face.

"No, Yes, maybe...oh, hell Ruby I don't know.." Ruby smiled encouragingly at me, I could tell that she was thrilled at the opportunity to offer her help, she wanted me to confide in her.

"Have you ever thought that something wasn't right, that the things that you thought were true all of sudden weren't?" I asked suddenly, the confusion in Ruby's face showing me she didn't understand what I was talking about.

"Look, you see me as I am now, and how I was before. I know that you think it is an improvement, but tell me...do I look happy?" I asked her, catching her eyes with mine, daring her to bring up the past. Not a single person in Storybrooke wanted the Evil Queen back, no, they wanted the tame Regina Mills, the woman whose teeth and claws were pulled when she fell in love with Emma Swan, my conscious and savior.

Ruby hesitated, her face reflecting her thoughts mirror like. Of course she preferred me the way I was now, no sane person would welcome the return of who I was in my former glory, but she also had her eyes and senses to see and feel what I was feeling.

"No, Regina, you don't look happy."

I leaned forward suddenly, letting my eyes blaze in righteous anger...

"And why am I not happy, Ruby? I was BLESSED with True Loves Kiss? Isn't that right, the savior, Ms. Swan she saved me and the town from the Evil Queen, didn't she? So, where is my happy ending then? Why am I not on the receiving end of this blessing?" I practically spit the words out, making Ruby lean back in her chair...she had seen me in the past taken by anger, it was dangerous to be near me then.

"I, I don't understand, Regina, I thought you loved Emma, it wouldn't have worked if there wasn't true love, would it?" I was forcing Ruby to question everything she had grown up believing, everything she still believed in. Those beliefs had made it easier to step aside and let Charming take her Snow, she couldn't and shouldn't fight true love, it was just not done.

"Oh, I love Emma, it pains me to admit it, but this Kiss, this CURSE has taken my free will away from me. I didn't get to explore these feelings, there was no slow progression, no romance, just an inexplicable and demanding need to be with her." Ruby winced when I called it a curse, but I could see the gears working in her head.

"And Snow and Charming, do you think they are blessed? I hear they are at each others throat, what has true loves kiss done for them?" I was playing devil's advocate, since I was the one that poisoned the woman in the first place, and of course we all know we got Emma out of the deal. It was so obvious that Ruby fell in line with just that line of questioning.

"Exactly, Ruby, Snow and Charming were put together so that Emma would exist, but did it make them happy? Was there any other path either of them would have chosen for themselves if they weren't driven together?"

I let that question sit and stew for a moment while I drained my glass, Ruby stood and filled it again without thinking, she was a good waitress at least. There was a certain look in Ruby's eye and I knew she was reliving a part of her past I wasn't sure she knew I was aware of.

"I'm sorry Ruby, I have been a morose hostess, and here you were nice enough to deliver a meal to me. Just forget about it, OK?"

"Um, sure Regina, you can talk to me anytime" Ruby stood to leave. " Um, Madame Mayor...do you really think that True Loves Kiss is a curse, not a blessing?" She sounded hesitant, as if afraid to hear the answer.

Sighing, I replied as truthfully as I could.

"Yes, Ruby, it has brought me together with Emma but it hasn't brought me happiness, nor do I think Emma is truly happy either. This clingy, stalkerish need to be together, it isn't who we are. I didn't think it was who Snow was either, but yet she and Charming came together as well. Look Ruby, I know that I caused you all a lot of pain in the past, I know it was me who unwittingly threw them together by, well, you know what I did. I know that gives me no right, but Ruby, I need to ask you one question."

Ruby nodded, once, her voice failing her.

"Ruby, have you ever thought what would have happened if you had kissed Snow that day? If it had been you and not Charming?" Ruby's face went from shocked to guilty, to horrified as she rewound her life, fitting that event into what could have been her future and fast forwarding it to now.

"But, Regina, there would be no Emma..." She gasped. I was unsure what bothered her more, that there would be no Emma, or that I knew, I knew about their past relationship.

"Exactly, no Emma and no curse. We will never know, will we? But, it is interesting, isn't it? the two people needed to bring Emma into the world so she would be here in this time and place to break my curse, that those two people were destined by some unknown power to succumb to True Loves Kiss?"

I sighed again, then looked down in my wine before speaking again.

"Just like me, true loves kiss took away my power and all my grand plans." I muttered into my drink, "In what universe is that what true love is supposed to do?"

"I find I am not really hungry, dear, why don't you just take my meal to Mary Margaret. I hear she is working late at the jail tonight, considering you won't be available. You can let yourself out, I am sure you understand."

I didn't look up until I heard the door latch click into place. Tonight should be interesting, to say the least.


	8. Chapter 8

AN/ I own nothing.

Mary Margaret found herself bored to tears as she sat at the desk of the small two cell jailhouse. She had done a good deal of the paperwork left behind by Emma, and the Jail had gone through a thorough cleaning as well. She couldn't even identify half of the so called food that she had found in the refrigerator, other then noting it was a peculiar shade of greyish green. Still, it was preferable to going home right now, she wasn't in the mood to argue about how Mayor Mills should have made David acting Sheriff while Emma was gone and not her. Honestly, she had never noticed how much David fell back on idea's of what was proper behavior for a lady. Since he didn't seem to mind Emma holding the job, he either didn't feel she was a lady or he was just plain pissed that it was HIS lady that held the job over him. Either way, his misogynistic rants were getting old and tired and she had no desire to go home and cook and clean and be a good wife tonight.

Usually Ruby held the fort this time of night after the dinner rush at Grannie's. The only exception was moon time, and tonight was the first night of the full moon. Ruby had a choice to either hide out with her red cloak on or run for the hills, literally, if she let her wolf out. Either way, she wasn't going to be exactly dressed appropriately to receive visitors at the jail during the full moon.

After two hours of forced inactivity, Mary Margaret found herself staring up at the ceiling while she tossed sharpened pencils up at the ceiling. Since the jail seemed to have an unending supply of number 2 pencils, she had managed to amass quite a large upside down forest of eraser topped trees above her head imbedded in the yellowish white ceiling tiles. She had her chair tilted as far back as it would go in order to accomplish the feat, her legs crossed on top of the ancient metal and wood desk in front of her when a loud bang and and a whirlwind entered the jail so suddenly she almost fell back out of her chair. She only slightly calmed down when she realized that the bang was the front door and the whirlwind was Ruby as she ran frantically past MM and into the first of the two jail cells.

"Shit, Ruby...what the fuck?" MM yelled, doing a pretty good impression of her daughters creative linguistic skills.

"Lock me up, Mary Margaret, please...you gotta lock the door!" Ruby was frightened out of her skin, literally...since she wasn't wearing her signature red cloak.

"Jesus, Ruby, where the hell is your cloak? And shouldn't you be out in the woods if you didn't want to wear it tonight?" MM demanded, confused as to why the garnet haired woman was in her jail, clinging to the iron bars as her eyes rolled back and forth from the window to her.

"Just lock the damn door, Mary Margaret, please?" Ruby pleaded. MM complied with the request, locking the heavy lock with her key and plopping the key ring out of her reach on the desk.

"Ok, your locked up, now explain!" MM demanded, crossing her arms in her best imitation of an authority figure.

"I don't know, I went home from the diner and went to the closet to get my cloak and it just wasn't there!" Ruby started to pace the small confines of her cage, trying to think on her feet, so to speak.  
"I haven't let my wolf out in so long, Mary Margaret, I daren't...what if she were to run across the border of Storybrooke? I could lose the memory of myself and just keep running. I would only be a wolf with no memory of either of my human pasts. I have been hiding out at home every month, waiting out the moon in my Red Cloak, just like I used to before we came here."

MM nodded, she had wondered about that, since that last time had been such a fiasco, it was probably best that Ruby didn't run around as an overly large wolf in the streets of Storybrooke.

"Who would take my cloak, Mary Margaret?" Ruby was practically crying, a sight MM had rarely seen in the usually bubbly younger woman. Even when she was being serious, Ruby kept an element of playfulness about her that was hard to shake.

MM sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I don't know Ruby, but at least you made it here and no one will get hurt, including you." MM reassured the distraught woman, even as she considered the implication of having a wolf in a jail cell overnight. She couldn't find the cloak or the thief until the next day, since she couldn't just leave Ruby alone in the jail by herself. All she could do was make the best of it and just settle in for the night, the moon would be up soon and the continuous babble coming out of Ruby's mouth would soon end, wolves weren't very good conversationalists.

XXX

SUrprisingly enough, MM found the quiet banter between them less annoying and more nostalgic then anything else. That nostalgia was intensified as the conversation naturally turned to their time in the dark forest, on the run from the Evil Queen. As they talked quietly, MM started to wonder about their relationship here in Storybrooke. They had been so close, once, why had they grown so far apart?

"We didn't grow apart, Snow, you left me for your Prince Charming." Ruby's uncanny response made her feel uneasy, her voice had held such a note of sadness in it. Was that true? Had she abandoned her for another? She couldn't remember, all she knew was that she was someplace dark and then she wasn't. She had opened her eyes and found David, Prince Charming hovering over her, a broad smile on his face as if he had accomplished a miracle. When she had found out she had been all but dead and it was only his kiss that had wakened her, she had taken it for granted that it meant she was destined to be with him forever, that was what believing in True Loves Kiss meant. She had walked away from the forest and Ruby and into Charming's arms without a single look back. How could she have been so callous?

She looked over at Ruby in her cell. She was laying flat on the thin mattress, her arm thrown over her eyes to shield her from the bald light of the flourescent's above her. With a sudden swift movement, she was up and standing at the bars, her face full of anguish and stained with the silent tears that had been falling quietly.

"Why did you leave me Snow? I gave up everything for you, and you repaid me by walking away as if we shared NOTHING during our time together. I loved you, and you found your "true love" and that was it!" Ruby was getting riled up, her voice grinding against clenched teeth as she tried to keep her emotions in check. Not an easy feat for a werewolf on a full moon. Speaking of that, why was she still talking? It was well after moonrise,and Ruby was still with her.

"Um, Ruby?" She started to ask, just as Ruby let out a strangled scream and fell to the hard concrete floor. MM couldn't help herself, she ran to the metal bars and pressed her face to them as she called out her friends name.

"Great Goddess, that hurts, why is it hurting?" Ruby screamed as she writhed along the floor, grabbing for the thin mattress and pulling it onto the floor with her as she tried to stand. After a few moments that felt like hours, the spasming stopped, leaving Ruby limp and panting as she lay sprawled across the displaced mattress. MM watched carefully as Ruby tried to sit up, her arms stubbornly refusing to work properly as she turned and crawled towards MM.

"Ruby, Ruby, love...please talk to me, whats happening?" MM didn't know what to do, her instincts told her to back away but her heart wanted her to grab her keys and unlock the door and go to her dearest friend.

"I, I don't know, Snow...I should have changed." Ruby stared at her arms, flexing fingers that should have turned already. "What has happened, Snow?" She asked, suddenly fearful as she realized that she wasn't entirely bereft of her wolf.

"Um, Snow." Ruby started looking up at the woman pressing her face into the bars, her concern written as plain as day on her face. "Why can I smell you?" She asked, taking in a deep breath that filled her lungs with Snow scented air. Gods, she smelled good, too good. The familiar scent bringing back memories she had tried to forget. Memories of them together, starting with the barn at Grannies farm, flowing through her mind as she remembered how the brunette woman tasted, the salt of her skin beneath her lips giving away to sweet nectar as she found other places to explore. They rarely had the time or money to enjoy sweet mead or wine together, but Ruby had no need for either when she could taste something so much sweeter, her tongue lapping eagerly at a fountain that never failed to satisfy her.

MM was watching Ruby carefully for any sign of change, but she was unprepared for the look on her face when Ruby turned her face towards her. She remembered that face, intent with need and hot with desire, Ruby's dark eyes smoldering with an inner fire she had reserved for Snow and Snow alone.

"Ruby?" Snow's voice caught painfully in her throat as she tried to think past the heavy feeling spreading low in her belly, her blood pounding in her ears in time to her heart beat as the heady rush of adrenaline flooded her body in response to that heated look.

"Open the door, Snow...open it now." Ruby's voice was urgent, demanding, but held none of the thick gravely tones that would have set MM on edge and warning her that Ruby was getting ready to change. Responding to that voice, MM turned away and ran to her desk to grab the cell door keys. Two things happened so fast that she didn't even have a chance to react, let alone move from her position as she reached for the keys. A loud, torturous noise behind her made her almost jump out of her own skin, which was quickly followed by a solid body slamming into her from behind and pinning her against the sheriffs desk. As desperate hands reached around her, grasping her tightly and pulling her tightly into the body behind her, she felt soft lips and sharp teeth worry at her shoulder. Thinking she was going to die, MM realized that Ruby had somehow broken through the iron bars to get to her. When those sharp teeth didn't draw blood, when the hot breath on her neck hitched and drew in her scent instead of ripping out her throat, MM took in a deep breath of relief that ended in a long drawn out moan as Ruby shifted, bringing her hands up to cup MM breast, her fingers finding her nipples through the rough fabric of her shirt to pinch and squeeze them mercilessly. A low growl sounded in her ears as Ruby found her earlobe, sucking the soft flesh into her mouth to get all of her attention before letting go.

"Snow, ah Snow...how I have missed this, I can smell you now, your taste is just like I remembered. Do you remember, Snow, do you remember how this felt before you left me alone...to watch you turn away and take HIS hand." Ruby's words cut MM to the bone, had she done this to her lover? Oh, gods, she had...and all because she believed in true loves kiss, all because the face that she saw as she woke up from that unnatural sleep was Charmings. Had she even been disappointed that it wasn't Ruby. She couldn't remember, all she knew was that she could not resist the feelings coursing through her veins, the ones that told her that this was more true and right then anything else in the world and nothing else was important.

"Have you ever wondered what would have happened had I been the one to kiss you, Snow? Would any of this be happening now?" MM moaned, Ruby's thoughts echoed hers exactly, she found herself questioning everything she had ever believed, everything she had ever felt since that fateful day.

Ruby's hand traveled down, down along the flat stomach of her long lost lover, until her fingers slid down inside MM's slacks, cupping her mound gently before sliding eagerly between lips already swollen in need. Ruby growled again, deeper this time as she found Snow wet and ready for her. Stroking her non to gently, she found it necessary to hold the brunette woman up as she threatened to sink to the floor, her legs weakening as she sobbed and shook and begged all at once for Ruby to stop, to not stop...she couldn't make up her mind.

MM screamed as she felt something pulling at her heart so hard she thought it would come ripping out of her chest. The sharp tugging turned to pain as if someone had just punched her hard between her breasts as the pulling sensation suddenly stopped. It was as if something had been stretched beyond its ability to expand and then it had snapped back, releasing the pressure in her chest just before she thought she would die from the pain.

"Ruby, darling, please...please stop...just for a moment." Snow moaned, her breath coming raggedly as her body tried to recover from the unseen assault. Ruby lessened her grip enough for Snow to turn around in her arms, bringing her face within millimeters of Ruby's. Ruby's eyes were wild, her irises gold against the black of her pupils. They were human eyes, but barely, they glowed with an inner light that seemed to gather whatever brightness lay around them, dimming the rest of the room in comparison.

"Snow? Snow, what is happening?" Ruby looked frightened, her hands grasping Snow's arms in a painful grip. "I can feel the moon, I...I can feel you...but I am still me. I am still me and you are here, and oh, God...Snow...I want you so bad..."

Snow didn't know what to say, she had treated this woman so badly in the past, and now they were here and she had a second chance to set thing right. Ruby had been calling her Snow, even though David had insisted on continuing on calling her Mary Margaret. In a sudden burst of clarity, Snow found herself realizing that Snow and Mary Margaret were two very different people. She had lost Snow a long time ago, way before the Evil Queen sent them to Storybrooke. Snow would have never abandoned Ruby for another, not unless she was under some kind of spell. A spell she no longer felt, she realized. She could no longer feel David in the back of her head, she could only feel the woman in her arms, her skin hot as the sun beneath her palms as she took Ruby's face in her hands.

"Shhhh, Ruby...I don't know. I don't know what is happening. But, how can you still want me after what I did to you?" Snow's words were wrenched from her very soul, how horrible it must have been for Ruby to step aside and watch her run into Charming's arm's without a second glance at her.

"How can I not want you, Snow...I have always loved you, always wanted you. I waited all this time for you, and now you are here with me." Ruby's voice was strangled as she tried to voice her feelings, but held a tone of wonder to it. How was this happening, why now? She really didn't want to know, not if it meant holding Snow in her arms once more.

It was too much to think about, not with fire coursing through her veins and the scent of Snows arousal sending shiver's of anticipation down her spine. Ruby growled again, this time in need and longing as she captured Snows lips in her own, her tongue fighting to gain access to to her mouth.A fight that was willingly forfeited by Snow as she opened her mouth to let Ruby in, moaning into her mouth as she let herself be kissed thoroughly and without restraint. Without warning, Ruby shifted, letting go of Snow long enough to sweep the wooden desk behind Snow clear of its clutter, the blotter calender skidding across the surface to land on top of the miscellaneous folders and office supplies in a skittering pile of rolling pens and pencils. Lifting Snow up onto the edge of the desk, Ruby wasted not time in ripping off the breathless women's clothes, until she lay naked and stretched out on the scarred desk, looking up at Ruby with her old look of hazy desire that Ruby had missed so much. It had been a long time and Snow had had a child since they had lain together last. Ruby noted the proud nipples that begged for rougher treatment then they could handle in the past, the fine silver lines along her belly that was softer and not as slim as she remembered. It didn't matter, she was still beautiful and it changed nothing for her.

When Ruby's finger's found their way between Snows thighs, she could feel the heat coming from her core before sinking two fingers into her depths. Ruby shuddered and arched her back at the feeling of Snow enveloping her fingers once more, the smooth muscles clenching against her intrusion as if trying to draw her farther into her center. Leaning forward, she propped herself up on one elbow to steady herself as she moved her fingers in and out in a lazy motion, punishing Snow with her slow movements. She tormented her further by lavishing her breasts with brutal attention, drawing each nipple into her mouth to lash it with her tongue while her teeth grazed along the tender flesh. Snow thrashed and bucked under her, her hands clawing at the flat surface of the desk but unable to find any purchase. A lighter square of wood lay beneath Snow's body where the blotter had been, a series of deep linear scratches marring the otherwise hidden surface revealed that the desk was no virgin to similar activity in the past.

The familiar motion of her arm pumping against Snow, her fingers buried deep in the hot depths of her sent her mind reeling into the past. She remembered their first time together in the barn, the night they lay together, she had brought blood from her and was mortified that she had caused her hurt. It was only until Snow came undone beneath her, slamming into her fingers as hard as she could, did she believe her that her pleasure far outweighed the pain. Ruby remembered the bitter satisfaction she harbored that at least she had that, that she had denied Charming his right to deflower his bride. And now, now she had Snow back in her arms and she had won, at last. A sharp spasm of desire shook her to her core, demanding, overwhelming in its sudden need to reclaim Snow for her own. She picked up her pace, her fingers sliding in and out of her lover easily, another change since Snow had given birth. Adding a third and then a fourth digit turned Snow into a mewling mess of begging, moaning, mindless ball of ecstasy as she ground furiously onto Ruby's fingers. Ruby watched Snows face carefully, watching the slow flush travel along her chest, the cords in her neck standing out as she strained against the table, her back arching as she rocked her pelvis back and forth in time to Ruby's strokes, pushing her fingers in as deep as they could go. Ruby felt her breath catch, Snow caught up in the throes of passion was a magnificent thing to watch. Capturing Snows swollen clit beneath her thumb, she let Snow's rhythm control the speed of her thumb passing over the sensitive bundle of nerves while she controlled the pressure. As Snow came screaming her name, Ruby gathered the spent woman in her free arm and kissed her deeply, tasting salt on her tongue from the tears of joy streaming freely down Snows face.

They abandoned the table for a more comfortable nest of thin prison mattresses laid out on the floor. Ruby forgot about the moon and her curse and the past when Snow knelt between her legs and kissed her gently. When her insistent tongue and talented fingers sent her over edge, she clawed at the mattress fiercely, dimly aware that she would probably have to replace the shredded fabric after this night. As ecstacy as potent and overwhelming as her change washed over, she howled her passion out within stone walls and iron bars. Falling into a spent puddle of tangled limbs, the two women fell asleep beneath the thin blankets offered to their prisoners, the residual heat from their lovemaking keeping them warm.

********

Regina stepped quietly into the jailhouse, holding a dark red length of fabric in her arm. After hearing the long howl that was loud enough to escape the confines of the concrete block building, she had waited a while. The silence that followed was difficult to endure, but she waited until she was sure nothing was moving within the building before heading in. She smiled evilly when she entered the office, avoiding the dangerous slick of pencils scattered across the floor. Ms Swans desk was devoid of everything, the exposed wood covered in linear scratches that had held fond memories. Frowning, Regina made a mental note to add funds for a new desk for the good Sheriff, she didn't care to share her marks of passion with Snow or Ruby. Following the path of strewn clothes, she found the two of them asleep on the floor of one of the cells, their arms wrapped around each other in postcoital bliss. Without a sound, she shook out the dark garment and spread it lightly across Ruby and Snow. The eclipse would be over soon, and it wouldn't do for Snow to wake up with a wolf wrapped in her arms. Nor would it do for Ruby to wake up to a fully belly and no Snow in the morning. Not that she cared one bit, but her prey this evening was not Snow, but Charming. She wished she could see his face when he saw this lovely little scenario. Looking at her watch, she gave herself one last satisfied look at the two lovers before turning to go. The Prince should be here soon to check on his Princess, she wondered how he would fair when he found the two of them together.

Smiling at her own cunning, Regina could almost blame Ruby for all of this, seeing as how she never bothered to check about a little quirk of nature she had found out reading the outside papers. There was no such thing as eclipses where they came from, when the moon is hidden by the earth and fails to rise when it should. Evidently, it could play havoc with a werewolf's ability to change, how fascinating.


End file.
